I Daily Choose...

I've been looking for a reason/I've been longing for a purpose/I'm losing all my meaning/I've run out of excuses.
Lord, it's hard to know You/I don't always see Your plan/But holiness is calling me so take me as I am.
You are my everything/You are the song I sing/I'll do anything for You/Teach me how to pray/to live a life of grace; I'll go anywhere with You/Jesus, be my everything.
Lord, I get so tired of the struggle within/I settle in complacency and I'm weighed down in my sin.
So lead me past emotion 'cause they change with the wind/I want to be a true disciple/To daily choose Your hand.

Jesus, My Everything - Matt Maher

I was just sitting on my bed studying for my World Religions test tomorrow when this song began to play. I've been thinking a lot about confession recently. I don't know what it is exactly, maybe I'm becoming more aware of my need to go as a Catholic, or my need to go as a very flawed human being, or maybe it's just the process of the actual act of confessing, but the sacrament of confession has been consuming my thoughts for weeks.

The other day I was walking down the street with a friend and she said something about "us", something about our faith and the way we live it out. What she said was like a stab to my heart, a blow to my spirit...though a necessary one. What she said spoke to my heart, letting me know that I'm failing. My faith is a burning passion within me, but I'm not doing enough to show this. I'm not the example of spirituality that I long to be. I thought people knew of my faith, but my friend didn't seem to be aware that it goes beyond my campus ministry and youth group activities, that it penetrates almost every aspect of my life and that I long for it to penetrate EVERY aspect. I know she didn't mean what she said as any sort of insult or challenge to my faith, but it was and is a challenge. I've become complacent and I've let my pride have reign.

Lord, I get so tired of the struggle within/I settle in complacency and I'm weighed down in my sin

As the above song played, I found that I could no longer concentrate on my notes on Hinduism. Confession was all I could think of, it was all I longed for. I live right next door to the Jesuits, and I was about ready to jump up, run over there, and beg for someone to take my confession. The only thing that stopped me was feeling that there is something about my sin that I'm not fully comprehending. I want to truly understand the things that are on my heart so that I can make a good and complete confession.

I want to be a true disciple/To daily choose Your hand

It's time to renew my faith, to lose myself again in Him. It's time to make myself uncomfortable, to challenge myself to daily choose Him.

Love and prayers

p.s. Hi Molly! You're beautiful!