I Daily Choose...

I've been looking for a reason/I've been longing for a purpose/I'm losing all my meaning/I've run out of excuses.
Lord, it's hard to know You/I don't always see Your plan/But holiness is calling me so take me as I am.
You are my everything/You are the song I sing/I'll do anything for You/Teach me how to pray/to live a life of grace; I'll go anywhere with You/Jesus, be my everything.
Lord, I get so tired of the struggle within/I settle in complacency and I'm weighed down in my sin.
So lead me past emotion 'cause they change with the wind/I want to be a true disciple/To daily choose Your hand.

Jesus, My Everything - Matt Maher

I was just sitting on my bed studying for my World Religions test tomorrow when this song began to play. I've been thinking a lot about confession recently. I don't know what it is exactly, maybe I'm becoming more aware of my need to go as a Catholic, or my need to go as a very flawed human being, or maybe it's just the process of the actual act of confessing, but the sacrament of confession has been consuming my thoughts for weeks.

The other day I was walking down the street with a friend and she said something about "us", something about our faith and the way we live it out. What she said was like a stab to my heart, a blow to my spirit...though a necessary one. What she said spoke to my heart, letting me know that I'm failing. My faith is a burning passion within me, but I'm not doing enough to show this. I'm not the example of spirituality that I long to be. I thought people knew of my faith, but my friend didn't seem to be aware that it goes beyond my campus ministry and youth group activities, that it penetrates almost every aspect of my life and that I long for it to penetrate EVERY aspect. I know she didn't mean what she said as any sort of insult or challenge to my faith, but it was and is a challenge. I've become complacent and I've let my pride have reign.

Lord, I get so tired of the struggle within/I settle in complacency and I'm weighed down in my sin

As the above song played, I found that I could no longer concentrate on my notes on Hinduism. Confession was all I could think of, it was all I longed for. I live right next door to the Jesuits, and I was about ready to jump up, run over there, and beg for someone to take my confession. The only thing that stopped me was feeling that there is something about my sin that I'm not fully comprehending. I want to truly understand the things that are on my heart so that I can make a good and complete confession.

I want to be a true disciple/To daily choose Your hand

It's time to renew my faith, to lose myself again in Him. It's time to make myself uncomfortable, to challenge myself to daily choose Him.

Love and prayers

p.s. Hi Molly! You're beautiful!

My Family and A Celebration of My Life!

Last weekend, just a random weekend in September, I went home. My brother, Ben, who is a senior at Notre Dame University, was home visiting for the weekend. We weren't all supposed to be home again until Thanksgiving, but I knew how much it would mean to my parents (and to me) for us all to spend a little time together at this point...so I made a surprise visit. My siblings all knew I was coming, but my parents did not. It had been a rough day for them, especially my mom, who had gotten some bad news about a friend that morning, and they were shocked but so happy to see me. My mom of course started to cry. It was a short trip, I got in on Saturday night and left Sunday evening, but it was my favorite trip home from the past two and a half years. I love spending time with my family, and of course I visited with the teens a little bit. They bring such joy to my life...even if they are being pushy :P They never fail, in their own ways, to be reflections of God's love in my life and remind me of my desire to be such for others.

My siblings and I with our dad...you'd never know we were related by looking at us, would you?

This past Friday was my 21st birthday!!! It was such fun. It was Rockhurst Day so we all went to the celebrations on Lower Bourke. I got to go to the Hospitality Tent for the first time, and I can't tell you how much cotton candy I ate. It was wonderful. My friends of course never fail in embarassing me, like by singing Happy Birthday at the top of their lungs for about a hundred people to hear. We enjoyed the Rockhurst soccer game for a bit, and watched Kyle and Ken being presented at halftime with the rest of the homecoming court. Afterwards some people came over to our house for a little birthday celebration. We ate so much chocolate, it was ridiculous...but delicious. It was such a fun night, I can't think of a better way, or a more fitting way for my friends and I, to celebrate my birthday. It was made all the better by Ken and Gabe's antics after everyone else had gone home or to bed. Hilarious!

Yesterday, my mom, one of my aunts, Marcia, and a cousin, Lindsey, came from St. Louis to visit and celebrate. It was wonderful to see them and hang out. We got some supplies for me and then spent the rest of our time at the Plaza. My cousin Steve also joined us for a bit. I think it was really wonderful for my mom to get away from St. Louis for a little while, she so deserves a little break from life. I'm so grateful to Marcia and Lindsey for coming too. I loved seeing them and I know my mom needed them with her on the drive. They didn't get to go on a tour of campus like they wanted, but they seemed to really like what they did see of Rockhurst and of Kansas City.

Lindz and I at O'Dowds on the Plaza

So all in all, two incredible weekends in a row!

Love and prayers

Sarah

It's Been Too Long...Seriously

I've been slacking. Not slacking in life, but with this blog, definitely. Things have been crazy these past few weeks. There's been so much going on at school and at home that my poor blog has been neglected. No more!

School has been really wonderful so far. I've been enjoying my classes so much! I truly actually look forward to going each day. I mean, it doesn't hurt that I don't start before 11 except on Wednesdays...but that's Piano so it's totally worth the early wake up.

I'm absolutely in love with my house. I'ts so wonderful having a kitchen and so much space to just hang out and do whatever. I love my housemates, too. Frances, who I didn't even meet till move in, is an absolute sweetheart and Molly and Kelly are jsut crazy wonderful as always.
with my roomie!

As far as extracurriculars go, this is looking like a fairly busy and fun year. My heart pretty much belongs to Hawks for Life. We've had such an incredible turnout from this new freshmen class, the whole board is just stocked. I'm Service Chair this year, so I've been looking for some new ideas of various things we can do. I'm really hoping I can find some more active projects and such. The same old problems exist with the group, but we'll keep fighting through them. I was recently selected to serve on a committee (Center of Arts and Letters) by Senate. There haven't been any meetings yet and I have no idea what I'm doing, honestly, but it's just a new little adventure for me. Then there's CLC. I'm still in my group, The Creepers <3, but I'll be leading a group this year as well. I'll be finding out who my babies are this coming week and I just cannot wait to meet them all! I'm still in APO and have done Leftovers for Love. Can't wait to see what else I'll be doing to get my hours.

So basically I'm just looking forward to everything this year!

Just a quick little catch up. I'll be writing again extremely soon since I'm so far behind. Till then...

Love and prayers
~Sarah