Diary of a Mad Black Woman

In high school, a good friend of mine loved this movie. I never really had a desire to see it, but one day, on a college visit trip, we popped it in. Now I love it, I don't even know why. Whenever I see it on tv I have to stop and watch it. I like how Tyler Perry works faith and spirituality into his storylines. Even though it's not my faith and the people aren't always exactly on the path of righteousness, faith is what pulls them through the darkness.

There's one scene that always gets to me. It's towards the end of the movie and most of the major characters are in church. Tyler Perry's character's wife is a drug addict who got hooked while pursuing a music career and his daughter wants to pursue singing as well. He finally let his daughter join the choir. So she's singing at the service and she has a powerful voice, then her mother (who finally checked herself into rehab) comes walking into the church and belts out her desperate need for God. It's not all the drama/resolution that really gets to me though, it's one particular line that she sings: "I'm in need of the blood of the Lamb."

How true is that? How desperately do we all need the once and continual sacrifice, the shedding of the innocent blood so we can be redeemed. So we can fight through our desperate moments and situations and reach His glorious light.

Love and prayers

Revisiting Feminism

Over Thanksgiving break I met up with my two best friends for lunch and one brought up my previous post on feminism. Of course they challenged me about it, which is part of why I love them. Just to make things clear...

One of the points raised was about the objectification of women. My friend asked if you couldn't say that women were objectified before so-called "sexual freedom", before feminism. I don't mean that we should return to the days when a woman could be abused and forced by her husband without any protection by law or society. Those who view(ed) women as subservient to men were and are most certainly mistaken. Yes, women could be objectified, but does that mean we take it to the extreme and move the woman from the role of servant to the role of dominator and even predator? Does that make it okay to remove modesty and chastity from our clothing, from our very minds and virtues and exchange it for that which is revealing and seductive. Is that not just as bad, if not worse? The equality is still not there. Power? perhaps in some warped manner. But certainly true freedom has no part in this. The mastery has simply been taken from men and given to desire, which when given such free reign is even more uncontrollable and over-powering.

What femininity and masculinity are was also questioned. Are gender roles merely created and placed on us by society? Why should we not question what society has forced on us? Well, I approach it from my Catholic faith. Gender roles, femininity and masculinity, aren't forced on us by society. They've been given to us by God. Women are naturally more in touch with emotions, more in touch with others, more compassionate, empathetic, and nurturing. Does that really make us the weaker sex, as society has apparently made us? Pardon my language, but hell no! Emotions are difficult to deal with, difficult to control and understand. What femininity requires takes so much more strength and power than mere physical strength, more than intellect and savvy. It requires a deep soul, firmly grounded in faith, and strength that bares the burdens of us all. The great gift of woman is the ability to truly understand the human heart (understanding of course requires the powers of discernment and intelligence). As for masculinity, where women are with the heart, men are with the body. They are naturally inclined to provide for the physical needs of others and protect. If these characteristics were forced on us they would not be so natural to us. So why should we fight it? People seem to have a tendency to focus on the idea of a woman being obedient to her husband, but not going beyond that or even deeper into it. It's not that a woman should blindly follow her husband in all things, but she should trust in him and support him (she does after all understand him in ways even he may not). More than this though a man is meant to cleave to his wife. Men are called to remain faithful, in body and mind, to protect and love his wife. This doesn't mean that all women have to be housewives, relying soley on husbands, but whether or not a woman has the means to provide for herself, it is still a husbands responsibility to be able to support a wife.

Men and women are different, but that does not make one better or superior to the other. It makes them compatible. Society seems bent on continually warping our roles, both pre and post-feminism. Exchanging one perceived extreme for another is no way to fix the problem we are faced with.

Humans vs. Animals: What Feminism Has Done to Our Nature

Tonight in my American Literature class an interesting point was made while looking at the poetry of Robert Frost. In the animal kingdom have you noticed that the more beautiful creatures are the males? Male birds are more colorful, their songs more beautiful, male lions have long, glorious manes, etc. There is usually something more distinctive about the males among animals. Why is this? To attract a mate, of course! If the male wants to reproduce, which is one of the most basic instincts, he has to be the showiest, the most beautiful and attractive, he has to fight for a female's attention. While the females are often more dull in color and less majestic in appearance. The male doesn’t look for that outward beauty in a mate. In humans, however, it's the opposite. The female has to be beautiful, has to look and act a certain way, do everything she can to attract the attention of a man.

What happened to wooing?! Why don't men pursue women anymore? Why are women now forced to fight for the attention of men? Granted we aren't mere animals, we are the pinnacle of creation. We are capable of intelligent thought and reasoning. So why does it seem that we are going against what is natural?

I'm sure most men have no problem with this. I'm also sure that most women wouldn't like my view on the cause of it.

Enter the world...feminism.

A woman should be cherished, not forced to degrade her body and over-all worth because it has become ingrained in men to not show her love and admiration otherwise. Second-wave feminists wanted sexual freedom and they got it...and now we must all deal with the objectification and sexualization that this so-called "freedom" has left us with.

Obviously, I don't like feminism. Don't get me wrong, good has come from it. Things that needed to happen happened. Women should have political, economical, and social freedom and equality. HOWEVER! equality doesn't mean we're the same. Men and women are different. I know, it's a shocking statement, but we have been created differently, with different purposes and strengths, different roles and responsibilities in regard to each other. What feminism has done is created characteristic equality. It has de-gendered identity, and thus confused our roles. It has worked to destroy femininity, and even true masculinity. Women are told that they should be treated as equals to men and to accomplish this they have to fight harder for it, be tougher, more rigid...they have to be de-feminized. It's become deeply rooted in our society that in order for a woman to be treated as equal to a man she must act less womanly and more manly. So where does that leave the feminine role? And where does that leave men? They have to take up some of that role that does not truly belong to them. Masculinity no longer belongs to man and femininity no longer belongs to woman. Our identities, roles, and responsibilities are muddled together, leaving us no true cultural male/female identity.

And people wonder why marriages fall apart, why divorce rates have increased...

People wonder why we're unhappy, why depression and suicide rates have increased...

Thank you feminism...for all you've done to "help" us poor women live more fulfilled lives. Thank you for depriving us of our true identity and purpose. Thank you for decreasing our great worth to society.

Something New

A good friend of mine (Patiently Waiting) occasionally does these posts, and I always enjoy reading them. They seem like a good way to take a few moments and reflect on what's around me and find God in the little things. It's high time I partake.

DAYBOOK

FOR TODAY Nov. 8, 2010

Outside my window...are bare tree limbs, their colorful, crispy leaves lying on the ground for me to enjoy crunching.

I am thinking...that God could certainly choose less terrifying ways to help us remember how blessed we are...but who am I to question.

I am thankful for...my dad. He's my hero and the best man I've ever known.

From the classrooms...I don't particularly care right now. I don't have class until 2:20 this afternoon and I'm taking a break from homework so whatever is happening over there can't reach me here:)

From the kitchen...there is a gentle humming from the various appliances...can one ever truly find silence?

I am wearing...a thick, pink bathrobe with my hair wrapped in a pink towel.

I am creating...plans.

I am going...on Fall Retreat this weekend with the youth group back home. I'll sadly be missing some things here at Rockhurst but it will be completely worth it when I get to spend the weekend with all of those wonderful teenagers and young adults in prayer and fun.

I am reading...The Latin Mass Explained. I read half of it this summer when I started going to the Latin Mass every once in a while with Gabe. Now that I'm going almost every Sunday here at school, it's about time I finished it

I am hoping...just to be better. A better, kinder person. A better, more loving daughter. A better, more patient friend and girlfriend. A better, more faithful child of God.

I am hearing...the Pride and Prejudice movie/miniseries. Though I'm not actively watching it, I'm so familiar with it, I can tell you precisely where the story is at any point, even if the only sounds are footsteps and music.

Around the house...things are needing cleaning!

One of my favorite things...hot cocoa in giant mugs:)

A few plans for the rest of the week: I'm going to wake up every morning and just breathe. I'm going to try to remember to thank God for everything I'll meet in the course of the day, whether good, bad, or indifferent, to remind myself, whether good, bad, or indifferent, every blessing, challenge, and innocent moment is a gift to shape who I am and my faith.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Act goofy...go on it's great...especially in puiblic.

Visit The Simple Woman's Daybook


Love and prayers

Dear Jenny,

I love you...now shush! I don't want to hear it anymore!

Love forever,
Sarah

Matt Maher Concert

Alright, so it was really a Tenth Avenue North concert featuring Matt Maher and Addison Road, but lets face it, I was there soley for Matt Maher.

There was a huge group of us from Rockhurst that went so of course we carpooled. It was fun, we had some good conversation, a lot of laughter, and we prayed...what more could you possibly desire.

One of the teens from back home came in town with her mom for the concert as well so that was fantastic. I got to meet up with them for lunch on the Plaza and then of course we took pictures after the concert...Nikki loves her photo ops! They also brought me a halloween care package...my parents don't even give me care packages:P

We had a great time with a lot of singing, a little dancing, and completely praising God. At the end we serenaded Matt, it was beautiful:)

Nikki and I with Matt Maher & the whole RU group with Matt

Something that I found interesting was the difference between Matt's music and that of the other artists. Matt was the only Catholic. I'm not even entirely sure how to describe the difference. Most of Tenth Avenue North and Addison Road's music seemed very individualistic, focused on the here and now, and about Christ being our light and savior from our personal darkness while most of Matt Maher's music was more universal (in time and space), more about the community and strength of the Church, and more of the awesomeness of Christ's great sacrifice. Many of the differences were subtle, and of course there was some cross-over, but for the most part this is how it was. Matt Maher's music seemed to just contain Truth. The other bands' held truth in their music but only in part. Just an observation

Love and prayers

Fall Break

Fall break was really fantastic this year, if only too short. My friend Jamie and I had a little date after our night class, since we had to stay in town an extra night for it. We watched a classic 90's movie and drank wine and pomegranate martini cocktail and had a long and really fantastic talk. I love Jamie, she's so easy to talk to and she can just make any ol' one laugh themselves silly. The next day I headed home to spend time with my family and the youth group. It was so difficult to leave them again. Now that Melissa is home for good for some reason it seems to be more dfficult to not be home. Perhaps some day I'll be back for good...or at least for some time.



On Saturday I headed out to Fulton to see Gabe and go to my very first MIZZOU tailgate and football game. It was great, free beer and hotdogs, free tickets...can't beat that. It was packed, but I did get to see one of my best friends, Jenny, ever so breifly. It was funa and all, but...nothing beats a Notre Dame game!



Love and prayers

One Year

As I said in a previous post, so much has changed in just one year. My life has flipped completely on its head. This post, however, is of a much happier nature. God works in such strange ways sometimes, it's impossible to understand...the only thing more impossible to understand is that I sometimes still try to figure it out! Well approximately a year ago, a good friend of mine and I began to grow close in an entirely new way. We'd been friends since freshmen year and it wasn't until junior year that we saw each other in this new light. God knew we weren't ready for what He had in store for us until that point and then He opened our eyes to each other and slowly began to unveil our path. A year ago we went on our first date, and I still make fun of him for it. He took me to Cold Stone for ice cream...using a gift card, he took me to Kelly's in Westport for their $2 Boulevards on Sunday nights, and then we went to stand on a hotel roof for an hour and a half. He's so cheap, right! though he claims he's only frugal:) And it was the best date I could have imagined. Ice cream and Boulevard Wheat, two of my favorite things to consume:) and then a long conversation about faith and spirituality, goals and plans, relationships and so much more looking at the lights downtown. It was only two months and a hand full of days after that that I knew for sure how I felt about him and where I wanted the relationship to ultimately go. And so now here we are, only a year later and I can't remember what it felt like to be without him. We've had plenty of obstacles and will continue to be faced with uphill battles, but i trust him with my heart, and more importantly, I trust God with my heart, and I know neither of them will lead me astray. Thank you, Love.

I pray you all can experience such a wonderful love, whether it's with another person or you simply have to learn to recognize it with God.

Love and prayers

Homecoming is here again!

This year for the big Homecoming dinner Rockhurst took us to Fogo de Chao. Goodness, I don't think I've ever seen so much meat! It was insane, but it may have been some of the best I've ever had, and they had absolutely everything. For $62 you get free reign at the salad bar and as long as the little coaster they give is green side up they just keep on bringing you every kind of meat imaginable. It was good.
Gabe and I at dinner.

The dance was certainly fun, but we ended up leaving early. Gabe had to get up early in the morning so we didn't stay till the end per usual. Oh well, I still got to dress up:)

Love and prayers

Family Weekend

My parents came in town this weekend for Family Weekend at Rockhurst. It was nice, we didn't do a lot of the things that we could have signed up for, but we've done it before and it was just nice to see them. We went to 75th Street Brewery for dinner and after ran to Price Chopper, not only to get me some groceries (because my parents are awesome like that), but also to get some beer (because my parents are really awesome like that!). Gabe's whole family was in town so they came over to watch the football game and belatedly celebrate my birthday with us. My mom made a s'more cake, which was absolutely delicious, and we had chips and salsa, ice cream and cake, peanuts and m&ms, and, of course, beer. It was a fun night, we talked about sports (by we, I mean mainly the men) and politics, ya know, the fun stuff. It was really enjoyable. There were even fireworks!

Sunday morning, we did go to the brunch. And that turned out to be totally worth it because I won the raffle for the $1000 scholarship! I mean, I was the 6th name called, but hey, not my fault none of them were there:) It was amazing how few people realized that raffle existed.

Love and prayers

Welcome to Life

Well, this is it. I'm 22. I'm dealing with a great array of emotions. While I'm always excited for a birthday, this one just seems to have an entirely new meaning. I have no more major birthdays to look forward to, 21 was the last. I'm (hopefully!) in my last year of college, my next birthday I'll have to be out in the real world...currently I have no idea where I'll be...much less where I WANT to be. Not that that really matters much:)

I have to be a grown up now, but I'm not sure how to be or that I want to be. My life is looming over me, I'm staring it down the throat, and I want to turn tail and run back! If only I could.

Love and prayers

Fresh Heir

One of my cousins is a mucisian. He has a band, the Drew Mantia Band, and he's pretty awesome...not that I'm biased or anything. If you think about it, check him out (http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Drew-Mantia/10080101236). Anyway:), he has a good friend, Nick, who is actually in a relationship with another cousin, who also has a band, Fresh Heir. Fresh Heir had a show here in KCMO this weekend, in Westport. Drew came in with them to play with the band. Gabe and I went and it was a lot of fun. Fresh Heir has a jazzy style, which I thoroughly enjoy and a couple family members were there. It was nice getting out and having a good time, I feel like I haven't gone out much recently, which is craziness considering how near Rockhurst is to Westport, Brookside, Power and Light and so many other areas that are really fantastic. Oh well. All in all it was a great, and much needed night:)

Love and prayers

Labor Day Weekend

The weekend was a wonderful escape. Gabe and I went to his family's place outside of Fulton, MO on Friday. I really rather enjoy hanging out with his family. They're very different but still so similar to my own. Then Gabe and I travelled out to The Country on Saturday.

The Country. My grandparents bought some land in southern Missouri in the 60's (I think). Near Ironton and Fredricktown on the St. Francis River...never heard of any of those? It's all good, no one has:) It's nothing fancy, just an old trailer that the men added a back room and porch onto years ago in the middle of the woods, off an old gravel road. My uncle bought it from my grandparents a few years ago. He added all these new amenities like running water and satellite tv. It's madness! Down the hill, through the woods is the river. Up river is the deep end where we can float and swim. Down river are the rapids. Now don't go picturing anything intense...when we were little kids we went down the rapids like little water slides. We also went rock hopping up and down the river.

This weekend we were having a bit of a family reunion. Saturday, though, there were only a very few of us. But it was nice. Gabe and I went canoeing and swimming, but only for a little bit cause we got freaked out by snake in the water. We spent plenty of time over on the rocks though. We did a little hopping and then just sat with our feet in the water. The family went to mass in town where a 96 year old priest who has to be reminded of the date and gets through the mass in about 20 minutes is the only thing allowing those people to have mass at all. Sad but beautiful at the same time. Later that night we had a bonfire and Gabe and I roasted some marshmellows. Unfortunately though, my allergies had been acting up really badly for the past week so I took a couple Benadryl causing me to keep dozing off, even in the middle of conversations. So we went to bed earlier. We slept out on the porch; despite the cold mornings, it's the best place to sleep, listening to the insects and critters, waking up to the cool air in the early morning when everything is pale.

Gabe left early that morning. He wanted to go home to spend a little extra time with his own family and go to their a fair his Church was having. It was sad he had to go before the rest of the family came, but it was awesome that he came 3 hours to spend one day and night down there. He knows how much I love the Country and wanted him to be there, though. That's just like him:)

The rest of the family came down and we spent the day doing things such as drinking, floating and drinking, playing games and drinking, eating s'mores drinking...you get the picture:) It was an all around fun day. Monday morning I headed back to St. Louis with my sister and her family and then headed back to Kansas City. It was nice to get back at school, but I was definitely sad for the weekend to end.

Love and prayers

Our Father...

I've been thinking a lot about prayer recently...though, as ever, not implementing the practice nearly as much as I need to. There are all these different forms that prayer can take. I honestly don't know many formal prayers, certainly not as many as I would like to know. I've always tried more for the conversational form of prayer. I've been recently discovering the beauty and honesty of the formal prayers of the Catholic Church, though. I'm not sure how I started thinking about it, I guess it was during a bit of a prayer draught, but I began to wonder about the best way to pray. I don't think there is necessarily a "best way" for something like prayer. God desires our hearts, our openness to Him. So how can I ensure my own openness. Well...I can't. I wish I could and I try to, but I so often fail.

Anyway, back to prayer...

I've begun to contemplate the Our Father. Light Bulb! Jesus taught it to us. Christ himself gave us this prayer. I've always said the Our Father frequently, but I guess I never really thought about the perfectness of it. God knows our hearts far better, more deeply and intimately, then even ourselves. He knows our prayers and desires. I've started praying the Our Father holding this knowledge in my mind, trusting that He'll answer the prayers of my heart, in accordance to His will, as I say these words that once touched Christ's very lips. So now I know when I'm at a loss in my prayer life, I will always have Our Father to support me.

Love and prayers

Back to School!

Well here I am, back at Rockhurst. My mom helped me with move-in. It was fun...though I think she had more fun setting my room up then I did. I'm in the townhouses this year, which is kind of a let down after living in a house, but there are only two of us in a four person. Meaning...we each have our own bedrooms and bathrooms. I said four person, but it was a four person (two bedroom, two bathroom with common living areas) set up for six people. We have a lot of space, but that would be freaking crowded! Anyway, the reason for me clarifying is that we both h ave three beds, three desks, and three dressers in our rooms. Can you say overkill. Oh well. It took awhile, but I'm finally happy with the way I have it all set up...I think:) It's pretty cute, lots of color and such, but it'll be a lot better once I bring back some posters and such for the walls after Labor Day weekend. Anyway...all in all I think the year looks pretty promising. I have a lot of free time during the day since a majority of my classes are at night. I'm finding things to fill the time with though, such as a sweet internship at the Diocese of Kansas City - St. Joseph's Respect Life Office and I'm also looking for a work study job...keep your fingers crossed. I'm enjoying things thus far. Senior year is looking good:)

August 14th

Today was a special day for a couple of reasons. My mom's side of the family met at Grant's Farm this morning. There were 36 of us, so not everyone, but a decent showing. The little one's enjoyed the animals and the shows, while the older ones enjoyed the happiness of the little ones and, of course, the free beer. When it got to be too hot to stay out any longer, we moved the party to my aunt and uncle's house for a bbq and watched the Cards/Cubs game. So overall a good day. I enjoy spending time with my family, there are certainly some characters amongst us, the great-grandchildren are absolutely adorable and they're all getting to an age where they start interacting with each other so we had a tiny girl band to entertain us, and we always have good things to eat and drink, like homemade ice cream courtesy of my grandparents and jell-o shots (a staple at any party at my aunt and uncle's house).

Another reason for the specialness of the day was that it marked one year since my dad's surgery. I haven't really talked to specifically here about my dad here, but a year ago yesterday we were told in a whirlwind of events that he had cancer. A year ago today he had a 10 hour surgery because the lung cancer had metastasized to, among several other places, his spine causing a couple of the vertebra to essentially shatter. I didn't realize until later how near he was to being paralyzed. It's been an insane year to say the least. I feel as if I've lived an entire lifetime within it. Right now my dad is on what is called maintenance which is incredibly good, though still not easy by any means. There is a CaringBridge site (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobfarley) for my dad, kept up by my mom. I went back to the first few entries in the journal and learned that I'm still not prepared to deal with those first days. They've left some lasting mark on me.

This one year mark has caused me to look back on everything that's happened. So much has changed since August 14th, 2009. I've changed. I spent a long time trying to prepare myself for a loss that I wasn't at all ready for, I've fallen in love, lost friends, been blessed with the deepening of other friendships, and I was given the incredible gift of time. I've felt lost and confused. I've been at home in places and with people I never would have dreamed of a year ago. I was shown love and compassion and was able to show the same in turn. I was hurt and lifted up.

There's still a lot of recovering I need to do, but I've learned so much about myself and what I'm capable of...capable of handling...so long as I cling to God.

(With my dad, sister, and niece just a few months after the surgery)

Love and prayers

The Passion

I was just flipping through channels and I landed on Biography. The episode was on Mel Gibson and it just happened to be at the point in his life when the Passion of the Christ was coming out. The controversy over the movie was briefly talked about. Jeffrey Lyons (I guess he was a movie critic or something of the sort) spoke about the violence of Christ's death that is portrayed in the movie, how it was unnecessary, how people who believe in and worship Christ do so because of the good he did in his life, not because of how he died. I almost yelled at the television. Obviously this man does not understand or made any attempt to understand Gibson's Catholic faith. Yes, Gibson is lost, but he had it right with that movie. Yes, Christ did great things in his life, he literally performed miracles, he's the Son of God. But I think just about any Catholic would say that we worship him because he died for us. The bloody, violent way that Christ died is a beautiful gift. It is our salvation. His death was the way it was because of us, the entire weight of all of humanities' sins from all time weighed upon his shoulders. That is what Gibson portrayed in the Passion. Yeah it's violent, it's gory, but it was necessary for our salvation which is what Christ desired, us to be in full union with him. The violence in the movie is necessary and it is beautiful.

Update

Apologies for the lengthy silence. The blog didn't seem to want me to post anything for awhile. I'll try to get caught up quickly, but I'd like to reflect a little on some events from the summer before coming to the present

Dog-Sitting

Some day, in the future, when I have dogs I will not treat them like people. They will not run the house like my sister's dogs do. And I will not stand for them waking me up at 4:30 every morning! That is what I learned from my ten days of dog-sitting. Also that my relationship with my two best friends is truly a gift from God...really, we even have a diagram to prove it:)



Love and prayers that you are blessed in your friendships

Steubie

Steubenville Youth Conference...looked forward to all year by youth groups everywhere. This year was a different experience for me. I felt heavier then in the past. I don't want to say burdened, that doesn't fit at all. But my heart was heavy. Heavy with worry, disappointment, and sadness. I was worried about my spiritual life, the draught I'd felt for quite some time. Worried that I wouldn't be the leader and model I was expected (perhaps mostly by myself) to be. Disappointed in myself for slipping like that. Sad and concerned that I felt as if God wasn't with me. My soul felt alone. It sounds like I was burdened doesn't it, oh well. It's not as if everything was bad. I was surrounded by people I loved and who loved me. I was doing things and working in ways I knew would help me find my path in life. In a lot of ways, my life fell into place. I could see further down my path then ever before. I had so many moments of happiness, fun, and love, but my soul was still alone. I lacked joy.

That's the beauty of Steubie:) Spending that time with young, energetic people, desiring knowledge of God, their faith, and the Church is revitalizing. My spirituality is different from theirs', but they never fail (well rarely) to remind me of my goal and my desire. A weekend like that forces me to refocus my life.




On the bus with some of the incredible adults who serve as awesome models of faith for me





With one of the teens and a young adult in the midst of the conference


Love and prayers

Spending Time Out in the Country

Gabe and I spent part of the 4th of July weekend here in St. Louis, part in Fulton, and then the rest in Kansas City. It was a really awesome few days. We went to a pool party at a family friends' house so Gabe got to meet a lot of people who have been a part of my life since the 1st grade. On the fourth we headed out to his place outside of Fulton.

I really love being out in the country. Everything is so peaceful. Life is simple. There's quiet. Everything seems to move at a slower pace. It's easier just to find God in everything around you. At night we set off fireworks in the yard...something you can't really do in the suburbs. Gabe lives on top of a slight hill so we could see fireworks from Fulton, Columbia, and all the neighbors. They said it wasn't as impressive as it has been in the past...people being economical or some nonsense...but I was still quite impressed. The next day we went to Gabe's friend's house for a pool party and bbq. I love swimming, there's just something about chlorine:)

Anyway...after the party we took off for KCMO. Good ol' Rockhurst. Gabe was taking a couple of classes this summer, as was I, so we both had some homework to get done. We headed on on his birthday, July 7th, but as a present I took him out to Cheesecake Factory the night before for some wine and dessert. Goodness it was delicious! And extremely filling. It was a lot of fun though. Then we returned to the site of our first date...sweet I know:)

It was over all a pretty solid holiday weekend filled with relaxation, fun, and family (as if everything is filled with family for me).

Independence Day

I really love the 4th of July. I love this nation and I know I'm truly blessed to have been born here and given all of the opportunities I have. Unfortunately so many have lost sight of all that we've been given, of all God has given us.

In the 1946 Independence Day Oration John Fitzgerald Kennedy stated that "[t]hroughout the years, down to the present, a devotion to fundamental religious principles has characterized American thought and action." He reminded the people that a deep religious sense inspired the authors of the Declaration of Independence and our earliest legislation..."Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of religion." He quoted our first president, Washington, who said that "of all of the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports." Kennedy continued saying that "[t]oday these basic religious ideas are challenged by atheism and materialism: at home in the cynical philosophy of many of our intellectuals, abroad in the doctrine of collectivism, which sets up the twin pillars of atheism and materialism as the official philosophical establishment of the State. Inspired by a deeply religious sense, this country, which has ever been devoted to the dignity of man, which has ever fostered the growth of the human spirit, has always met and hurled back the challenge of those deathly philosophies of hate and despair. We have defeated them in the past; we will always defeat them."

Unfortunately, these philosophies that Kennedy spoke so strongly against in '46 have persisted and grown. I truly believe in freedom. Freedom to choose what is right over what is wrong, to choose the good over the evil. We will not be slaves to our desires and whims, to culture and it's malefic force. I believe there is one true faith, but I still love our freedom as Americans of religious expression. However, those "philosophies of hate and despair," under the guise of freedom, have taken it to a place it was never meant for. Today, society tells us that expressing our beliefs and disagreeing with others is offensive and unjust...religious expression is being suppressed for the sack of religious freedom? Belief in God is natural to human beings, but imperfection, weakness, and pride are also natural. We must pray and work against the evil that we can be used for.

"Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. It was the price yesterday. It is the price today, and it will ever be the price. The characteristics of the American people have ever been a deep sense of religion, a deep sense of idealism, a deep sense of patriotism...Let us not blink the fact that the days which lie ahead of us are bitter ones. May God grant that, at some distant date, on this day, and on this platform, the orator may be able to say that these are still the great qualities of the American character and that they have prevailed."
Independence Day Speech 1946, John F. Kennedy

Love and prayers

The Weekend of Family Reunions

Crazy weekend. Gabe came in town for a visit...though we also happened to each have a family reunion. Earlier in the week I went to a trivia night with my siblings and a couple of out-of-town cousins. It was a lot of fun, though of course we didn't win. We did however rock the Year of 1932 round...are we dorks or what? It was crazy smoky in the bar though, so much so that my contacts were completely clouded up by about the halfway point. I love hanging out with family so family reunions are wonderful. Hearing stories and everything, it's great! Gabe's family party was on Saturday and was up in like St. Charles so it was a trek from my house. It was cool though, I got to meet some of his extended family and hear stories about their past and listen to some interesting conversations.

On our way to the park

Sunday was my family party at the house. It was a pretty relaxed gathering. There was some Wii played, beer drank, and laughs had. Our family from California came in and stayed with us. That was really wonderful. A lot of people it seems don't find it strange to have family spread out over the country, only seeing each other every few years at most. I do though. I'm used to grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins being a part of everyday life. I guess having some family far away makes their visits more special then.

It's difficult to apprecaite family at all times. It's easy to become impatient, to be ungrateful. It's good to have a reminder every once in awhile how important and beautiful family is, but it's better not to need that reminder. I need to work on thanking God everyday for family as well as showing my thankfulness.

Love and prayers

Holiness in My Life

I'm not sure how it happens, but at times I forget about the incredible holiness that certain people in my life possess. This morning after Mass and breakfast with the youth group the female core team met to discuss AYM Women's Nights for the summer. There are no words to describe the hilarity of the scene of the meeting space we walked into...it was beautiful...and organized:)

I felt like holiness was just eminating from the young women I was sitting with and flowing around the table we sat at. Being around these beautiful women always reminds me of how I desire to live my life. They are uinintentially (well, I suppose it's God's intention) my spiritual guides.

Project Life

Project Life is a service retreat. I served as a chaperone, and it was also my first experience on it. We traveled down to Perryville where we spent a week serving the community in a variety of ways, in prayer and mass, in programming, in the fellowship of young Catholics, and, in some cases, sitting on the side lines of a game of capture the flag due to a knee injury which still hurts...

I, along with my new friend Bridget:), were group leaders for Group L.

Such a wonderful, joyful group...even through Shay's endless complaining:)

We were at a variety of sites. The first two days we spent helping some older folks around their property. We stacked wood from some of the 18 trees that fell during a recent storm, we cleaned up their workshop, we gathered branches and sticks for burning that were scattered over their property, and we cleaned out their shed. We had a lot of fun, despite all the little critters living in the wood piles. They had a rather large hat collection and we all received a camo hat as thanks for our help which was awesome, but I struggled to really relate those days to the retreat and the reason for service. Our next site was at Delbert Bonhert's home. What a wonderful experience. Delbert is an elderly man. We scraped and painted his old shed. He sat there on his porch all day and watched us work, helping whenever he saw an opportunity to get a tool or a ladder. We enjoined the wonderful bonding time amidst our group itself, but Delbert, I've realized, became Christ for me on this retreat. At the end of the job he asked how much he owed us and was shocked to learn that he owed us nothing. Our payment was the knowledge that we served and loved Christ by serving, listening, and growing to love Delbert..."Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25: 40). The people we helped and will go on to help were and are channels to Our Lord.

On a lighter note...fun night turned out to be less than fun for me. My idea of fun is watching a movie, not capture the flag. I tagged Pete, our youth minister, sending him to jail, but in the process I twisted my knee. It still hurts. I had to wear a knee brace for the next several days and hobble about everywhere...I'm sure I was a funny site.

On the last day we went to another group's site to help them finish up. We had to stay a couple of extra hours to get it all done, get completely covered, head to toe, in stain, and nearly collapse from heat exhaustion, but we did it! There was no way we were going to leave the job unfinished. The couple was so thankful. It was beautiful...though at the time all we could think about was getting back so we could take cold showers and try to scrub the stain off of our skin in time for Mass.

Mass was another wonderful experience. One night during the Consecration I noticed the looks on Fr. Brian's and the deacon's faces. They were looks of utter, unrestrained love, awe, gratitude, and so many other things I couldn't even place. They were looking at the true Body and Blood of Christ, once the bread and wine. They were looking into the face of Christ. They were witnessing the sacrifice of the alter with pure joy for the salvation and eternal bliss Christ offers us each moment of life on this earth. It was a definite "wow" moment.

Love and prayers


Snipe!

I'm Movin' On

It summer time!!! Good bye Rockhurst...I'll return soon.


On the drive home I had a bit of a moment. I put in my cd from my first Retreat on the Rock, freshmen year. How much changed between my first as a retreatant and my second as a leader, oh how terribly much. It's been probably about a year since I'd listened to the cd and I forgot a lot of the songs on it. One of those songs is Rascal Flatts' "I'm Movin' On". I always loved that song, but when I heard it this time, it resonated with me so much more than ever before. There I was driving on Highway 70, crying. How pathetic! I'm sure you've had moments when a song really moved you and spoke to what you're going through. Well, this was just such a moment. A moment of realization, sadness, and yes, moving on. There were so many struggles in so many aspects of my life this year, but now I'm leaving them behind. I still have another year at Rockhurst, but I feel like this summer is a fresh start for me somehow.

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
~Rascal Flatts

Love and prayers

Hawks for Life Rosary

For Mother's Day we went to Planned Parenthood the day before to pray all four mysteries of the Rosary with the bishop and, I think, a couple hundred other Catholics from the area. It was rather chilly but still really awesome. Have I ever mentioned on here how much I love being Catholic because I do. A whole bunch:) It just brings me such great joy. Especially at times like that. It was beautiful. I love seeing Catholics ban together to stand up for what we believe and what the faith is.

Thanks for being pro-life, mom:)

Love and prayers

Finals

Is it strange that I actually look forward to finals week? I feel like it is. It's just so much easier than the rest of the year for me. Not that finals are necessarily easy, but the rest of the year is completely filled with a new book every week for just about every class and papers and essays all the time. It's craziness! But exams, for me anyway, consist of just a test a day basically. This year I had a couple of research papers I needed to finish up, but still, it was a vacation compared to the rest of my semester. No classes, no meetings, just a couple of hours a day spent studying, a couple hours spent on papers, and done. The rest of the time I could spend with my friends, watching tv or movies, or just strolling around campus...something I haven't been able to do nearly enough this year. Beautiful.

Love and prayers

By the way, sorry I haven't had many picture recently. I used to carry a camera with me everywhere and take pictures of everything. This year though I've started slacking off. No worries, I'll get myself back in track this summer:)

Dead Day

Dead Day is great. Not because of the no class in the middle of the week, but because of Midnight Breakfast! Everyone loves Senate Midnight Breakfast. All you have to do is bring some non-perishable food, or one dollar, and you get a delicious breakfast in the middle of the night. It's Student Senate's little gift to the student body the night before finals begin. I went and ate with my CLC after our meeting. It was wonderful. I rarely laugh as much as I do with them. Such wonderful people.

Love and prayers

7 Months

Seven months. Just a little over half a year. It seems like such a long time, and yet no time at all. Oh, how God has blessed me. Life can be so difficult sometimes, but God always seems to find a way to lend his grace to any situation, especially the difficult ones, in some small or large way. If only we always knew how to spot Him...

Well, in this situation, I have no trouble locating Him. He is in every moment and in every action.

So much love and so many prayers

Rockstock

This year for Rockstock MotionCity Soundtrack came. I was super excited cause, ya know, kind of love them. Every year, I think Rockstock gets better and better. We just keep getting awesomer bands (yes, I did just say awesomer, and yes, I am ashamed of myself) to come, plus there's always cool stuff to do...even though there's no longer the Butt-Scketch Artist, tear. Plus this was the first time I was able to get a beer at the concert...so exciting! Unfortunately though, I wasn't really there. I had a rough day and wasn't really in the mood for the crowd and noise. I tried, I was there for basically one song from one of the opening bands, Mayday Parade, but then I left. Kind of sad I missed it, but that's alright, Gabe and I talked for a long time and then went and got ice cream and beer. Yum!
Moral of the story? Ummm...don't miss out on something like Rockstock without good reason...but hey that good reason could lead to something even better, so don't do something just so you won't feel like you missed out:)

Love and prayers

ADG Formal

I love ADG. I really do. Those boys are just wonderful and absolutely hilarious. They're such fun and it's always a party with them. The formal was a blast! Californio's (in Westport) was smaller I think then anyone expected it to be but once they moved the tables after dinner, it was pretty much the perfect amount of space for the size of the group. I don't know about everyone else, though it seemed like people were having a good time, but Gabe and I just had so much fun. We may have looked ridiculous dancing all over (we aren't exactly graceful), but to me, nothing beats dancing with him. We just don't care what other people might think about it, we just follow the music...most of the time:)



The food was alright. The salad was delicious, everything else was just okay. It seemed to be more appetizers than dinner. But that's okay, the bar was decent and the rest of the night made it all great.

Love and prayers

So Much!

School is getting to be a lot. There's just so much to do and not enough time to do it. I think I may have written about this before a bit, but I can't really recall. I'm having more and more moments of stressing out. So many papers, so many meetings, so much! But I'll get through it. Christ is my strength, He'll get me through this...I know He will! AH!

Love and prayers...and peace

Spring!

I do so love springtime. The flowers, everything green and blooming, the thunderstorms, the first days that you just can't be inside any longer. Rockhurst is so wonderful in the spring. Though, I could go without all the worms covering the all of the sidewalks. Gross. Anyway...I love talking professors into having class outside on the quad, and playing frisbee, dancing in the rain, and just basking in the sunlight. Gabe and I went to the park and we played some frisbee, but for the most part we just laid in the sunshine and talked. It was so nice to wear shorts and still be hot. I've missed warmth this past winter.

At the park!

It's so nice to be able to just stroll around Rockhurst, especially at night. It's such a beautiful little campus. I'm just really loving the warm weather right now. It's wonderful.

Love and prayers

Tree Planting

Voices for Justice had a tree planting service project that I helped out with through APO. It was a lot of fun. I love planting things in the earth, getting my hands dirty...though I could do without the worms and grubs. It made me feel like I was back in New Orleans for my service project or something.

I do miss New Orleans.

Love and prayers

Easter!

He is risen! Alleluia!

I love Easter. I love the eggs and the candy and brunch with the Farleys and dinner and drinks with the Brauns. I love being with my family, I love getting dressed up, and I love reminiscing with my cousins about when we were little. I know that's not what it's about though, and that's what I love most. Christ died to save us and he rose from the dead. He made salvation possible. He made it so that we can be with Him in eternity. He makes my heart burn and tears fall from my eyes because of the immensity of his love. I love Easter.

This Easter, though, had another reason to be so special to me. It was also Gabe and my six month mark. Six months seems like such a long time at moments, but then again, it's no time at all. Our faith is so important to us, it's a huge part of our relationship, I guess that's why I found it so cool that this mark fell on Easter Sunday. Maybe I'm just a dork:)

Love and prayers

Busy Busy Busy

This semester has been so crazy. I feel like I never get the chance to sit down anymore. It's been good though, I've somehow enjoyed it. I do like being busy. Of course, I thoroughly enjoy having nothing to do, but if I'm busy, I'm productive. Productivity always gives one a good feeling:)

My eight week night class ended after spring break so I have Monday nights free, but other than that, my nights are filled with meetings. I miss getting to watch my shows, like Glee and Bones, but I love my CLCs, Hawks for Life, and APO, so it's fine. The afternoon is usually my free time, unfortunately I've been tending to fill that time with trash tv like Millionaire Matchmaker and Real Housewives. But I do homework while I watch...that makes it okay, right?

Love and prayers

New Jersey, Philadelphia, New York...Crazy weekend

This past weekend was...intense. My oldest neice, Taylor, is in the orchestra at her high school, Kirkwood, in St. Louis, and they were one of three from around the counrty to be invited to play at Carnegie Hall in New York City. Of course I had to go up to watch the performance...no way I was going to miss this once in a life time opportunity.

We decided to stay with an old friend of my dad's...they've been besties since like 3rd grade. They live in New Jersey, right on the state line basically between it and Pennsylvania. I left KCMO on Friday afternoon and got up there at night. I've flown over the ocean at night, but never cities so it was really awesome to fly over Philadelphia when it was all lit up. It was absolutely beautiful. On Saturday we drove into Philadelphia for the day. My family just loves history. I don't know how it happened that we all love it so much, but we do, and Philly is just a mecca of American history. We visited the Liberty Bell, the Franklin Museum, and Independence Hall, amoung other things.

The stairs in Independence Hall...if you've seen 1776, you love this:)

We also went to the City Tavern for lunch where they serve colonial period food and they brew beer using the recipes of Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and others. I had glazed duck, and I don't think I've ever eaten anything so good. Anyway...we made our way back to New Jersey and we had a big dinner with the family friends. On Sunday, after mass, we took a train up to New York. We met up with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew at their hotel. We went for drinks and then to an irish pub for dinner where one of my aunts met us. We went to a bakery and cafe and had the best dessert ever. Finally we made our way over to Carnegie Hall. Taylor's orchestra was on first. They were so wonderful. My mom even cried a bit. It was so incredible to be there for that, to see my neice on that stage.

I snuck a shot before the performance...I had to be stealthy because they were yelling at people

We left after Kirkwood's orchestra. It was a long weekend for my dad and he couldn't sit through the other two groups, though we would have liked to if we could. So we headed back to New Jersey, and early the next morning Ben and I were driven to the airport so we could get back to school for our classes.

It was a wonderful weekend, but so exhausting.

Love and prayers

Fight for Air Climb

I forgot to write about this...oops!

A while back one of my cousins found out about this event, The Fight for Air Climb. It's for the American Lung Association and invovles climbing 42 flights of stairs...ouch! My cousin, Michelle, wanted to do the Climb for my dad, and when she brought it up a bunch of us decided to make a team: Bob's Builders. It was great! I mean, painful, but still pretty awesome. I finished in 14:42. Not a great time, but hey, at least I wasn't about to have a heart attack or throw up like some of my cousins who finished in less time. Since I know about it now I'll start training and getting ready for next year's climb early. Hopefully I'll get an awesome time.

There were more than 1445 participants and the event raised more than $350,000. Awesome!

Afterwards we had a little celebration party at our house, and Gabe came and met some of my family. Less than half of my family was there and people weren't there for too long, so I think Gabe got off pretty easily. But I guess it's good to ease him in:)
...one of my aunts did think he was cute though. Kind of weird.

Anyway, thanks to anyone and everyone who participated or supported in their own way!

Love and prayers

Badges Rock!

Unfortunately I don't have a picture from this wonderful day, but...what can you do?

For the first half of this semester I was in a Nonprofit Leadership class, Volunteer Management and Program Planning. Each class session was 4 hours! long. Ridiculous I know, but it only lasted 8 weeks and it really was a wonderful class so it was worth it. Anyway, as a part of the class we had to plan an event and recruit and oversee volunteers. Every year, this class does a Girl Scout event called Badges Rock! It's an awesome program that gives Girl Scouts from the urban core of Kansas City the opportunity to earn a badge or two...unfortunately they don't have that chance very often. It also gives them the chance to see a college campus. My group was made up of four wonderful, extremely fun, kind of crazy people. The theme of the event this year was STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics) knowledge...to help get the girls interested in these fields which are severly lacking in female experts. My group decided to focus on science. We had some great little experiments like making slime and creating a rainbow density column. We also had a great speaker, Mindy Walker who is a professor here at RU, come and talk to the girls to show them that women can do great things in science and that it's a lot of fun! We recruited our volunteers, mainly through our friends and groups that we're all involved in, like APO, CLC, and Greek organizations.

We had a freak snow storm the day of the event, but once the girls were able to get on campus it seemed to go smoothly. The volunteers were wonderful! And the girls all seemed to really enjoy themselves...especially the snake that Mindy brought:) They were so excited when they got their Science Discovery badge at the end of the day.

Overall, it was a total success...and we all got A's in the class!

Love and Prayers

Retreat on the Rock - Results of God's Love

Yes, we are leaders, mature leaders...can't you tell?

A while back I was a leader for Retreat on the Rock here. It was so wonderful and exhausting and beautiful and messy. We spent a long time preparing for the retreat and each meeting seemed to get more and more ridiculous, until finally Cindy our Campus Minister said "I'm smokin' what you're rollin'". We all just sort of lost it by the end. But it was an incredible experience. All the leaders that I worked with are just incredible people, so filled with God's love and joy. It was such a blessing share this experience with all of them.

The retreat itself went fairly smoothly. Miracle! My small group was filled with beautiful young women, so open and passionate. And we seemed to share an obsessoin for Apple Jacks:)


Love and prayers

Washinton, D.C...Saving Babies One Step at a Time

At the end of January I went to Washinton, D.C. for the Pro-Life march. I didn't go through Rockhurst, though I'm very involved in Hawks for Life and we did send a group of students; of course, I went with the teens. I served as a chaperone for the youth group.

It was my first time, I'd never been able to go to the March in high school, though I had always wanted to be there. Pro-Life issues are so important to me and my faith, and it made me very sad never to have been there to show that in this wonderful way. And it's not just about abortion, as so many think. Though that is one of the most heated, well-known, and pressing Pro-Life issue, it is not the only one. I went on the March, well, because I love the teens, but also because I wanted to march against abortion, euthanasia, capital punishment, unjust war, and any other issue that places life in the hands of man, that takes life before its natural end.

It was a wonderful and exhausting experience (18 hour bus rides aren't quite conducive to sleep). But I do so love Washington and the teens. And may I just
take a moment to say how much I love Lincoln and how the below words can bring tears to my eyes...


Love and prayers

N'awlins

The group outside of St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter

Who Dat?!

At the end of Christmas break I went on one of the Rockhurst service immersion trips to New Orleans. Who would have thought I could fall so in love with a place in just one short week? I've always felt drawn to it for some reason and I've known for quite some time that I want to spend a year working down there after school, but I didn't think it would be so difficult to leave after just seven days. It took a long time for me to feel at home again at Rockhurst, like I wasn't where I belonged anymore.

New Orleans is such an incredilbe city with a character and spirit that you can't encounter anywhere else, food that's beyond this world, and hospitality that you can only find in the South. While we were there we did landscaping at the homes of the elderly and sick who can't leave their homes, we did some organizing, cleaning, and painting around the Catholic Chariities Operation Helping Hands building, we got rid of vines and overgrown plants that were actually growing into the house, and we gutted a bathroom so it could be made handicap accesible (by far the most fun). Our group had so much fun working together and with the long-term volunteers. It was so incredible to hear people's stories, and everyone was willing to tell you everything about their lives. Ms. Kathey, the cook at OHH was one of the most incredible and warm women I think I've ever met. It was also so powerful touring the city, especially the Ninth Ward. It was absolutely heart breaking, but at the same time it gives one so much hope. You see all the destruction and hardship that's still there, but then you see brand new houses being built and people who just won't give up. And to see how people have made any building, tent, etc. they can find into a makeshift church so they can still give praise to God through all of the bad times and loss. It was beautiful to be a part of and to witness. Then of course there was the French Quarter. Need I say more?

On one of the levees





Tearing that bathroom apart


Love and prayers
Sarah

Hello Again

Let me re-introduce myself. My name is Sarah. I know it's been awhile but now I'm back. These past few months have been unbelievably crazy. I feel like I've hardly even sat down. I'll take the next few posts just to get you caught up, and in case you don't remember this is me...

Anyway, we're back at school now and the spring semester is well underway. I'm taking 18 hours right now. It's a heavy load with a new book to read a week for each class. So, yeah, lots of reading, but I think it'll be worth it. They're all good classes and I'm enjoying them thoroughly. I'm trying to get my mind back into my extra-curricular like Hawks for Life and APO right now. So we'll just see how things go. Anyway, I'll write again soon about all I've been up to.

Love and prayers
Sarah