Back at the Rock

It was difficult to leave home this year. I had such a crazy and fun summer. It's only been a week and I already miss the teens and my friends from home more than I can say. I even miss working at DQ. It was also so difficult because I spent so little time at home this summer. I was always running around and off to do the next thing, and the last month or so of summer I realized just how little time I had spent on my own or with my family. It's always difficult to come back to school at the end of the summer. I love my home and the people that come with it.

But now I'm back at RU. My second home. I feel such comfort here. I'm with my Rockhurst family, and I'm in my new house! This house is beautiful, by the way.

my room!

the lovely living room

I'm so excited about this semester and this year. I'm really looking forward to all of my classes and all the things I'm planning on doing. I really have a good feeling about this school year and I can't wait to see how things pan out. That's all for now...

Love and prayers

The Goodness of God's Plan

It can be difficult in times of despair and pain to see and understand God's love. For years I questioned His goodness. I witnessed so many bad things happening to people I loved dearly. Cancer, abuse, divorce, suicide attempts, death. I watched as people I loved were torn apart from the inside out by their circumstances.

And now, again, it's here. The fear, confusion, and numbness of a disease hurting someone I love. But I hold onto my faith in the goodness of God's plan. My dad is the strongest man I know, and I pray every day that he will return to health quickly. But I know that in whatever way God answers my prayers it is in accordance to His will, and what God wills is the greatest good we could ever imagine or hope for.

Love and prayers

Surface Level

I've never been much of a speaker. In conversation, I like to listen. I like to observe the way people present themselves, their body language, facial expressions, word choice, and just the way they interact with others. All of these things tell you so much about a person. Speaking, however, isn't my medium for expression. My mind and my mouth don't seem to communicate well. I can't articulate most of the things that I think, and most of the things I do say just seem to appear out of thin air. I don't think the words before, or even while, I say them, it's not until after I say them that I realize that I've said them. When I write, though, I can actually think about what I want to say. I can take the time I need to find the correct words and express them in a desired fashion. Writing is the only way I've ever been able to truly express myself and who I am. It's the only way I can get at least some of my thoughts out of my head accurately.

I feel things deeply. I believe things firmly. I think about things thoroughly. I try to look at things from every possible aspect. I'm capable of writing about all of this, but when it comes to speaking, the words just don't come. I don't seem to be able to talk about what I feel, believe, think, and see. I know a number of excellent speakers. They always seem to have the right words. When I speak, it's seems shallow. My spoken words only seem capable of scratching the surface of my thoughts.

This summer, as I'm sure you know by now, I've been spending quite a bit of time with the youth group...and I have felt completely useless! I feel like all I've done is hang out and been an ear for Melissa. I mean, it's important for people to have someone they can just talk to and I love to be that ear and I love just being with the teens, but I want to give more. I know that my spoken words need to go beyond the surface level they're on now for this to happen, I just can't figure out how to get my mind and mouth to sync up.


Love and prayers

Oh goodness, there is a horrible run-on sentence in that last paragraph...I'm ashamed.