August 14th

Today was a special day for a couple of reasons. My mom's side of the family met at Grant's Farm this morning. There were 36 of us, so not everyone, but a decent showing. The little one's enjoyed the animals and the shows, while the older ones enjoyed the happiness of the little ones and, of course, the free beer. When it got to be too hot to stay out any longer, we moved the party to my aunt and uncle's house for a bbq and watched the Cards/Cubs game. So overall a good day. I enjoy spending time with my family, there are certainly some characters amongst us, the great-grandchildren are absolutely adorable and they're all getting to an age where they start interacting with each other so we had a tiny girl band to entertain us, and we always have good things to eat and drink, like homemade ice cream courtesy of my grandparents and jell-o shots (a staple at any party at my aunt and uncle's house).

Another reason for the specialness of the day was that it marked one year since my dad's surgery. I haven't really talked to specifically here about my dad here, but a year ago yesterday we were told in a whirlwind of events that he had cancer. A year ago today he had a 10 hour surgery because the lung cancer had metastasized to, among several other places, his spine causing a couple of the vertebra to essentially shatter. I didn't realize until later how near he was to being paralyzed. It's been an insane year to say the least. I feel as if I've lived an entire lifetime within it. Right now my dad is on what is called maintenance which is incredibly good, though still not easy by any means. There is a CaringBridge site (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobfarley) for my dad, kept up by my mom. I went back to the first few entries in the journal and learned that I'm still not prepared to deal with those first days. They've left some lasting mark on me.

This one year mark has caused me to look back on everything that's happened. So much has changed since August 14th, 2009. I've changed. I spent a long time trying to prepare myself for a loss that I wasn't at all ready for, I've fallen in love, lost friends, been blessed with the deepening of other friendships, and I was given the incredible gift of time. I've felt lost and confused. I've been at home in places and with people I never would have dreamed of a year ago. I was shown love and compassion and was able to show the same in turn. I was hurt and lifted up.

There's still a lot of recovering I need to do, but I've learned so much about myself and what I'm capable of...capable of handling...so long as I cling to God.

(With my dad, sister, and niece just a few months after the surgery)

Love and prayers