I've never been much of a speaker. In conversation, I like to listen. I like to observe the way people present themselves, their body language, facial expressions, word choice, and just the way they interact with others. All of these things tell you so much about a person. Speaking, however, isn't my medium for expression. My mind and my mouth don't seem to communicate well. I can't articulate most of the things that I think, and most of the things I do say just seem to appear out of thin air. I don't think the words before, or even while, I say them, it's not until after I say them that I realize that I've said them. When I write, though, I can actually think about what I want to say. I can take the time I need to find the correct words and express them in a desired fashion. Writing is the only way I've ever been able to truly express myself and who I am. It's the only way I can get at least some of my thoughts out of my head accurately.
I feel things deeply. I believe things firmly. I think about things thoroughly. I try to look at things from every possible aspect. I'm capable of writing about all of this, but when it comes to speaking, the words just don't come. I don't seem to be able to talk about what I feel, believe, think, and see. I know a number of excellent speakers. They always seem to have the right words. When I speak, it's seems shallow. My spoken words only seem capable of scratching the surface of my thoughts.
This summer, as I'm sure you know by now, I've been spending quite a bit of time with the youth group...and I have felt completely useless! I feel like all I've done is hang out and been an ear for Melissa. I mean, it's important for people to have someone they can just talk to and I love to be that ear and I love just being with the teens, but I want to give more. I know that my spoken words need to go beyond the surface level they're on now for this to happen, I just can't figure out how to get my mind and mouth to sync up.
Love and prayers
Oh goodness, there is a horrible run-on sentence in that last paragraph...I'm ashamed.
Dear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteYou are not shallow at all. I have listened to you speak for quite a few years now and therefore have a well-formed opinion. Here it is: when you speak, which is sometimes rare, you speak decidedly and wisely (on important things) . When talking about something shallow, it's okay to be shallow. Practice makes perfect! I will let you practice on me anytime.
You are more than just an ear. You have no idea. You are a huge role model to me. Never change.
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